Manchester United announced today that winger Antonio Valencia will have a major operation this off-season. Doctors will be replacing his left foot with a right foot.
“It was a hard decision to make, because you always have to be cautious with any type of surgery,” he said. “But I just hate my left foot. I really do. I never use it unless I absolutely have to. With two right feet I will be unstoppable.”
Valencia’s teammate Nani, however, did not sound so excited when he heard the news.
“Are you serious? It’s hard enough to get a start on the right wing when Valencia has one right foot – now he’ll have two?” The Portuguese international then did three back-flips in disgust and stormed out of the room.
Most United supporters have been pleased with the Ecuadorian’s debut season in Manchester, in which he has amassed 34 starts. Valencia notched seven goals so far, as many as he had in the whole of his three-season career with Wigan, while providing cross after cross for the on-fire Wayne Rooney. And he managed all of this despite wearing a kit three sizes too small for him.
But his one flaw is there for all to see: the reliance on his right foot.
“I didn’t even know I had a left foot until age 14,” he admitted. “And by that point, I was so good with my right that I didn’t want to bother with it.”
Even in instances when using his left foot would be much easier, like passing or crossing to the right for example, Valencia often chooses to use the outside of his right foot. It’s like watching a tennis player who has no confidence in his backhand – he has to constantly run around the ball to hit it with his forehand instead.
United boss Sir Alex Ferguson said he understood the decision to go under the knife and backed it wholeheartedly.
“I think a lot of people had doubts about the lad when he first arrived, but he’s shown what a quality player he is,” the Scotsman said.
“But c’mon, is there another player you’ve seen who is so clearly one-footed? With two right feet, he will become the best right-winger in the world. Like Cristiano Ronaldo and David Beckham rolled into one…well, minus the Armani underwear ads.”
Valencia is expected to undergo the operation immediately after the Premier League season wraps up, as Ecuador failed to qualify for the World Cup.
Note: This article may or may not be completely made up
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